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I spent my Christmas Eve at a funeral home… and I had fun. Not the loud, carefree kind of fun—but the quiet, grounding kind that comes from being deeply human together at Gabaldon Mortuary for their annual Lighting the Way luminaria decorating event.
On December 16, 2025, I had the opportunity to speak on behalf of HeartLight at our annual Holiday Love and Light Remembrance Event, held in partnership with Daniels Family Funerals–Carlisle Chapel, and to share the following remarks. I wanted to offer these words to you as you navigate your own journey, wherever you may be.
So many “first times” and each one touching me so deeply. How many more similar experiences await me as I travel this path of grief after your loss? Although I know that “first times” are only “first” once, I fear that the second or third or tenth times may be just as unsettling.
Rewriting the Holidays After Loss A virtual program for anyone who has experienced a loss or is supporting a grieving loved one through loss. The holidays can be...
Death is a scary word to many whom have never experienced it before and until it occurs in your family or even community we tend to disconnect from the idea. I found myself in shambles when death impacted my family, unable to pick up the pieces of my mind as I was in shock and unable to picture what my future would look like without my father in it. It is funny how a singular person’s presence missing can alter your brain chemistry so rapidly. It almost feels as if your body and mind separate and you disconnect from reality.
“Every Christmas, my grandma would fill her kitchen with plates of cookies and pies of every kind. No matter how many she made, she always set aside a lemon meringue pie just for my dad, because it was his favorite. Baking was her love language, and her kitchen was where joy lived. Now, we make these cookies every year in her honor. Even though my daughter never had the chance to meet her, she has inherited that same love for baking. She’s even added her own touch to the recipe by sprinkling in coconut, making it her own while keeping Grandma’s spirit alive in every bite.”
“My Papa and mom’s dad, Oliver, was always proud of his Finnish heritage. Our family Christmas tradition was to have a potluck dinner with family on Christmas Eve at my grandparents’ house, and then we would all come back to their house the next afternoon to eat leftovers and open presents together. He always made these tarts for this gathering and I remember him making them meticulously and proudly putting them out to eat.”
“My beloved maternal grandmother, whom I call Grammy, inherited this recipe from her in-laws. Every Christmas, the sweet smells of pastry and poppy seeds would fill the air. After her death, other family members began to create these delicious rolls in her memory. It wouldn’t be Christmas without them.”
How I’m coping with what would have been our 50th anniversary and the first year of his passing: I did my own ritual starting with wearing his crucifix, taking deep breaths, reading this quote out loud…
This experience made me realize that comedy can evoke a surprising mix of emotions. There were moments when he focused on his family, using his wife and children to illustrate his long-suffering trials and frustrations to get a laugh. While his observations on family life were funny, having just lost my husband—the love of my life for almost 50 years—I could not help but think that I would have given anything to have him back by my side, even for a fleeting moment. We could have been laughing together, enjoying the show, regardless of our personal foibles and his serious medical challenges over the years. This experience showed me that comedy, especially when it touches on the everyday details of life, can bring bittersweet reminders of a love that is now gone.