Dear Griever,
I have had the honor and privilege to serve as the Community Liaison for HeartLight Center since May 2023. On April 28, 2024, on National Grief in Public Day, I served as the Celebrant for the New Beginnings spring remembrance event and delivered the following remarks – almost exactly one year after this was the first event I attended as a HeartLight employee. I wanted to share these words with you as you navigate your journey, wherever you may be…
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What comes to mind when you think of Spring? For me, it is the sun and emergence of greenery all around us. There is an unmistakable feeling when we feel the warmth of the sun – it hits our skin with a sense of comfort after the winter months have kept it largely hidden.
Sometimes, in grief, we must hibernate in the winter months to care for ourselves. And then something beautiful happens… we emerge from the darkness and feel that warmth. We learn and grow. We experience change and transformation.
Grief is an experience that absolutely transforms us. If I look at my grief experiences, there is a definite transformation. I was an avid journaler as a kid and a love of writing continued into my adult years. I noticed growth in my understanding of grief when I was looking at my past thoughts to prepare for these remarks:
• March 18, 2002 : I wrote, “I never thought such a thing possible for anyone that had touched my life… There have been days where I was so angry I couldn’t see straight, and there have been others where I simply wanted to curl up into a ball and cry for hours.”
• September 4, 2005: I wrote, “Today I did a number of things to remember you. In fact, I did many of the same things as I did on this day last year when you were still alive. I already feel like some of my memories of you are slipping away.” Then fast forward several years…
• November 20, 2021: I wrote, “While I am happy that he is at peace after a life well-lived, today is hard because he was so engrained in my life that I thought he’d never leave.”
It is safe to say that there has never been any other event in my life that has touched so many emotions or ignited more passion than those related to grief. I’m sure many of you can say the same. It has informed how I have developed, formed relationships, found meaning in life, cherished others, and sought positivity. It has also informed the work I have pursued. I now realize that I have grown much in grief over the last 4 decades as I approach my 40th birthday.
Researchers describe this process as “Growing Around Grief,” suggesting that grief evolves rather than diminishes over time. This model shows that grief becomes a part of our lives, integrating into our being as we develop new skills and relationships. This model emphasizes that grief doesn’t fade but becomes part of our broader life journey, allowing for joy, creativity, and new memories while honoring our loss.
This relates to a term that we often hear in our culture – post-traumatic stress. What we don’t hear about is post-traumatic growth. Loss is a trauma – it is hard, overwhelming, disruptive, and confusing. What we know is that people are incredibly resilient and can grow after traumatic experiences, much like the way nature revives itself each spring after the cold winter. Just as we see new buds on trees and fresh flowers bloom, so too can we find new strength, resilience, and understanding in ourselves after loss.
This is one of the reasons that I do what I do – I get to watch people bloom. Grief can be an isolating experience, and when I look at people in grief who feel seen and heard for the first time in a while, I can feel their warmth and see their light shine. I offer support and watch them grow, and I watch as the seeds of hope are planted.
It can feel like an uphill battle to grieve in today’s culture where so many people are afraid of these feelings. I have felt that on many occasions. But… what if we embrace grief as a natural human experience… What if we allow grief to take us by the hands and teach us? What if we understood grief as an experience that can teach us more about how we’re feeling – and not a bad one that must be avoided? What if we embrace its ability to help us make meaning after a loss? What if we become curious and ask ourselves, “why is my grief feeling this way?” What if we invite our grief in and listen to what it might need? What if we are curious with our grief, like a seedling that has just poked through the soil and is figuring out its new surroundings?
As we continue to navigate our individual journeys of grief and growth, let us embrace new beginnings with courage and hope, for it is through our deepest trials that we often find our greatest strengths.
Peace, hope, and support be with you all.
-Genna
Written by: Dr. Genna Reeves
2024