Dear Grieving Heart,
I first found HeartLight Center in 2017 and fell in love with the place – I never wanted to leave. There was such a warmth and acceptance, a comfort and companionship that came with being in a safe place with fellow grievers.
I began volunteering as a facilitator in 2018 and made my way onto payroll in 2019, joining a small and deeply caring team in this beautiful building, tucked away in a space where there is a quiet atmosphere, despite the busy streets it is surrounded by. The space feels like a home, safe and calm. Historically, HeartLight operated based on drop-ins for groups. Open and ongoing monthly grief support groups where you just showed up. We didn’t track registrations for the majority of the calendar we offered at the time. Our monthly groups were the staple of support we provided to the community.
Then COVID took place, and we had to rethink how we offer this support, especially when the lockdown and isolation period of this pandemic lasted longer than anyone thought. We knew that our programs were needed more than ever, and yet the world wasn’t safe to reopen, so like the rest of the world we were in a position to need to switch to online, virtual groups with an online registration process. Overnight becoming IT support to help navigate connections through Zoom and troubleshooting technology to meet with people, it was quite a shift! But amid the transition, a discovery was made.
Bereaved individuals who didn’t have access to support before, were making their way to HeartLight programs because of being able to join virtually, from anywhere. As a facilitator and fellow-griever, my heart felt a sense of relief that the doors seemed to open in a wider way than we had considered before. More people can get the caring support that they need, when they need it, because it’s accessible from wherever they are, as long as you have a device and access to internet of some kind. It felt like a miracle during such a dark period. I certainly can appreciate that HeartLight Center is not necessarily a place that you want to need, but it is such a relief to have it when you do need it. Because grief does affect us all at some point in our lives. And COVID sure threw all of us in the thick of it, didn’t it?
While the virtual setting takes a little getting used to, the same powerful connections could be cultivated through the online platform. The initial hesitation about online forums for support washed away quickly as every month we connected with hundreds of people all over the US, and even internationally for various groups, workshops and presentations. Hearts hurting everywhere could find the solace and support that I had found when I first stepped through the doors of HeartLight years ago.
It felt amazing!
We continue to do our best with technology, as sometimes it is a fickle thing… but despite any technical difficulties and reopening in-person groups again, and even in new locations, we are dedicated to the online groups remaining in place as an option for support.
An example of a unique and deep connection came to me at the end of 2022 was when I had the good fortune of facilitating a virtual 4-week Facing the Mourning group in December of that year. This group was comprised of several women all with very different losses. One member in particular expressed apprehension about joining because she felt like no one could relate – she had been the caretaker of her husband who had dementia. She watched in agony as her husband lost himself over time before his death. She had wanted a dementia loss program but joined the general meeting since that was the available option. In the general group meeting, another woman (who lived further away) had a husband who died of brain cancer, and shared a similar experience about being a caretaker and watching her husband’s devastating decline. Despite the different nuances of the experiences, there was a shared bond that was created quickly in the Zoom room, thousands of miles apart from each other.
To this day, 4 women from that original group come together every month on Zoom to maintain that connection and support, despite being separated by distance. There is laughter and tears, celebration and hope, grief and loss, and life transitions shared in this space every month. Hearts able to reach each other in meaningful ways. We share about growth, accomplishments – even the “small wins”, the people we grieve for and the continued bonds we share, reflections about life before and life now. We share in a meaningful friendship. All because of grief, and an invitation to join an online group. It takes courage to step into a new setting and to share a vulnerable space with others. Grief is a space where friends can become strangers, and strangers can become some of the most loving and supportive friends. I am so grateful for HeartLight providing the virtual space to connect, otherwise I would never have gotten to meet this group of amazing women who mean so much to me now.
To these women, I want to say a big thank you and send a warm virtual hug. I always feel in awe of your resilience, warmth, vulnerability and strength. I feel inspired by you and all that you are, the journeys you are on and the growth you each have experienced. You have each taken risks and share such passion and joy. You lift each other, and me, significantly every time we meet. I am so grateful for each of you and the time we share together each month.
While it is different to meet via Zoom – there aren’t the same social openings before a group or the “parking lot conversations” after a group like in an in-person setting – but there is still deep connection and support that can be established in the online space. It is an honor to be of support to others in this way, and I can’t help but marvel at how we can reach each other despite great distances during times when support is needed most.
Anyone anywhere can join any of the virtual programming through HeartLight Center. And we welcome you anytime.
Warmly,
Allison Gary – facilitator and fellow griever
Written by: Allison Gary
August 2024